At my place of employment, our suite is second from the end of a row of fourteen units. For months now I’ve been trying to avoid this Lexus SUV that insists on parking backwards. There is no reason for it. No, none! He always parks next to me—too close—and since he backs in, I’m always at risk of smacking his sideview mirror with my door.

If yesterday I parked in spot 27, he parked in 28. Today I parked in 40 and—true to form—he promptly backed into 41.

I’d never seen the owner. Until today.

(tee hee)

My Explorer is in the shop for a recall repair, so I’m driving BF’s F-250. It’s significantly larger than my car, but being considerate, I parked near the end of the row to avoid impeding other parkers. He’d never even seen this truck, so I know it’s not personal. But sure enough—Lexus parked next to me.

We met when I left for lunch.

On the F-250, when you lock the doors with the remote, the side mirrors fold in. Unlock, and they unfurl. I cursed as I squeezed in, unable to open the door all the way lest our mirrors smash. As I did, I spotted a man heading for the Lexus. With high hopes, I rolled down the window and chirped:

“HI! Is this your car?”

Obviously trying to avoid confrontation, the chubby bunny sucked in his stomach and wriggled hard to get into his seat—because now, with my mirror out, he could only open his door about six inches.

Much less friendly in return, he muttered: “Yeah, sorry.”

I said: “Look at you—you can’t even get in your car! And you’re about to scratch my brand-new truck!”

He looked like he was on the verge of passing out from sucking in so hard.

I didn’t fold the mirrors. I sat watching him struggle. Once inside, he rolled down his window and mumbled excuses about how difficult parking has been.

I hitched a thumb toward the semi-truck parked perpendicular, monopolizing twelve spaces.
“Someone needs to do something about this inconsiderate asshole. He’s the reason we don’t have enough parking!”

Chubby mumbled: “Yeah… that’s mine too.”

Weird.
But I expect parking will be better tomorrow.