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A War with the Roses
From a distance, roses are marvelous. Adopt one and you have a pet crocodile that guarantees a full body workout and bloodletting.
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Welcome to Happypants Land! Sense: Non.
I’m like a weed: once I get in your crack, there is no getting rid of me. Since WP wouldn’t let me change my name, I built a new world. Grab a beer, challenge a fear, and see what I’m working on! Welcome to Happypants Land. Population: Me. Sense: Non.
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But At Home, He’s a Lover
We went to the vet this morning… my body still hurts. We left the house intact. The vet pored over every inch of both Maybe and Brick for their semiannual wellness check. Things were going well, we talked about Maybe – if not more mobile, definitely happier now that she’s back on carprofen. We talked about […]
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Patent Pending: The Bee-Have
Ever have a dream where you develop a multi-million-dollar idea and you can’t wake up because you need to make it a success? It started in Joann. I was at the cutting counter, and someone set their kid down to run the store. It was modeled like one of those old fabric shops — aisles […]
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The Night I Became a Barroom Legend
“I wish I could’ve done that! That guy’s a menace!” the bartender said. He set a fresh bottle of ice-cold Coors Light in front of me, adding, “This one’s on me!” I said “thanks” and smiled awkwardly, sitting alone in the corner next to the popcorn machine, whose level never noticeably changed but always seemed […]
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1200 Pound Dog with a Funny Bone
When it comes to dares, I’m short on smarts …and shorter on skill.
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Little 7-11 on the Prairie
From my cranial archives, filed under “WTF just happened?!” I was on my way home from work and stopped at 7-11 to grab a pack of cigarettes. Yes, lung-blackening, life-shortening tobacco. To you, perhaps, that’s the “WTF,” but wait, it gets better. This was a long time ago. You, my emphysema free reader, may not […]
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Dogs: From Couch to Campsite
Two months ago we made a half assed effort to test the dogs in the travel trailer. We only went 15 minutes from home, took two cars and I brought the dogs home to take a nap midday, we had full hookups… Overall, it was ok, Brick hated outside but we were content to leave […]
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The Deck Box Affair
By Bricklock Holmes The scent is fresh. Male. Approximately three ounces in weight. Well-fed. Nervous. Smells of discarded peanut. Old nemesis. His mistake: lingering too long in my Spotland Yard. Reluctantly, I enlist the help of my sidekick, Chief Inspector Thumbs. I’ve frequently made clear my genius, but I am cursed with nothing but legs. […]
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Lunch with a Ringwraith
For all of their lives I have used my midday work break to go home and let the dogs out. I have one hour to travel the 11 miles to Mordor and back, dodging feral Teslas on autopilot like they’re the orcs of Sauron. If I’m lucky, the goblins of Moria go right out to […]
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The House of Happypants 