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Everything Is Résumé Material If You Thesaurus Hard Enough
I have worked for my current employer for, at the time of this blog, 28 years and 6 months. Depending on your age, that’s either a trip to the corner store… or… an archaeological dig. To further humiliate myself, when I started, we relied on fax machines for communication. Transferring engineering files to our factory in Taiwan was a multi-day…
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8th Grade Sushi Sensei
Do you remember when new trends hit? Like guacamole. Or ranch dressing. My dad was always foodventerous, so he’d bring these exciting edible finds home to share. In junior high, it was sushi. I’d have been 12–13. I don’t know how Dad dadded, but he figured out the construction of a California roll, bought the mat, the sheets of seaweed—and…
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Zombie Watch
I often save notes for myself in my email draft folder. The problem is, I forget to go back and read the note I’d written to remind myself of the thing that’s now two months overdue. Today I found a blog I’d written with my thumbs, on my phone, back in February while the dogs were eating breakfast… Not to…
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The Accidental Gladiator
My hands are still shaking from the shock. They shouldn’t be. My dogs are hunting dogs. This used to happen all the time. The activity has reduced because they are older, slower. I hesitate to write, only because I see the swarms of animal lovers all over the internet. And to be clear, I am one of them. But there are no…
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The Deck Box Affair
By Bricklock Holmes The scent is fresh. Male. Approximately three ounces in weight. Well-fed. Nervous. Smells of discarded peanut. Old nemesis. His mistake: lingering too long in my Spotland Yard. Reluctantly, I enlist the help of my sidekick, Chief Inspector Thumbs. I’ve frequently made clear my genius, but I am cursed with nothing but legs. I require the physical capabilities…
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NA – Narcissists Anonymous
If you’ve ever cut contact with a parent and then realized the relationship didn’t actually end, it just went underground, this one’s for you. Dark humor, emotional rakes, and the deeply unreasonable desire for an apology without a “butt.” Content note: mentions abuse and violence.
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It’s Probably Nothing
Social Media has been around a while now, but it seems over the last couple years there’s been a surge in … I hesitate to use the word “diagnostics” because I doubt the majority are clinical, maybe we’ll use the generic blanket “discussions” of assorted conditions. Through these posts I’ve learned that not everyone sees splotches of color when they…
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A War with the Roses
From a distance, roses are marvelous. Adopt one and you have a pet crocodile that guarantees a full body workout and bloodletting.
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Welcome to Happypants Land! Sense: Non.
I’m like a weed: once I get in your crack, there is no getting rid of me. Since WP wouldn’t let me change my name, I built a new world. Grab a beer, challenge a fear, and see what I’m working on! Welcome to Happypants Land. Population: Me. Sense: Non.
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But At Home, He’s a Lover
We went to the vet this morning… my body still hurts. We left the house intact. The vet pored over every inch of both Maybe and Brick for their semiannual wellness check. Things were going well, we talked about Maybe – if not more mobile, definitely happier now that she’s back on carprofen. We talked about Brick’s rumbly belly, exploding butt…
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The House of Happypants 