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NA – Narcissists Anonymous
If you’ve ever cut contact with a parent and then realized the relationship didn’t actually end, it just went underground, this one’s for you. Dark humor, emotional rakes, and the deeply unreasonable desire for an apology without a “butt.” Content note: mentions abuse and violence.
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It’s Probably Nothing
Social Media has been around a while now, but it seems over the last couple years there’s been a surge in … I hesitate to use the word “diagnostics” because I doubt the majority are clinical, maybe we’ll use the generic blanket “discussions” of assorted conditions. Through these posts I’ve learned that not everyone sees splotches of color when they…
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A War with the Roses
From a distance, roses are marvelous. Adopt one and you have a pet crocodile that guarantees a full body workout and bloodletting.
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Patent Pending: The Bee-Have
Ever have a dream where you develop a multi-million-dollar idea and you can’t wake up because you need to make it a success? It started in Joann. I was at the cutting counter, and someone set their kid down to run the store. It was modeled like one of those old fabric shops — aisles of fabric, enormous cutting table…
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The Night I Became a Barroom Legend
“I wish I could’ve done that! That guy’s a menace!” the bartender said. He set a fresh bottle of ice-cold Coors Light in front of me, adding, “This one’s on me!” I said “thanks” and smiled awkwardly, sitting alone in the corner next to the popcorn machine, whose level never noticeably changed but always seemed to be popping. I wasn’t…
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Little 7-11 on the Prairie
From my cranial archives, filed under “WTF just happened?!” I was on my way home from work and stopped at 7-11 to grab a pack of cigarettes. Yes, lung-blackening, life-shortening tobacco. To you, perhaps, that’s the “WTF,” but wait, it gets better. This was a long time ago. You, my emphysema free reader, may not understand, but just after horse…
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Ode to a Fridge
Was feeling a little blue… my first ever appliance purchase died. I was on a tight budget when I bought the house and had to look for coupons and sales to get through the list. Learned after the fact that Samsung is notoriously terrible, but I scored a deal at an outlet that made it worthwhile. For twelve years; Samsung…
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Parking Lot Theatre
At my place of employment, our suite is second from the end of a row of fourteen units. For months now I’ve been trying to avoid this Lexus SUV that insists on parking backwards. There is no reason for it. No, none! He always parks next to me—too close—and since he backs in, I’m always at risk of smacking his…
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First Kiss
I don’t know how things are now, when my nieces were starting school in the early 00’s they had homework from day one, including kindergarten. When I was in kindergarten, you had to be a good napper, good at using the potty without help, good at eating snacks and being quiet at story time. I’d like to tell you I…
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The Great Fence Project
I sat on the patio yesterday in uncomfortable outdoor temps, attempting this rant on my phone with my thumbs, I didn’t finish. Today my hands are chapped and itchy from sitting in the cold, but I’m still annoyed and must complete this, thankfully from the comfort of my cubicle! I am in a unique position because Boyfriend is a general…
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The House of Happypants 