Most of my rants are intended to be funny, I can find humor in almost anything.  Except Windows 10. 

I’m one of those old weirdos who has worked in an office setting for most of my life.  I cut my teeth on Windows 3.0 at my first job but I can’t remember it having any real purpose?  It was an insurance company so pretty much all computer activity was with proprietary insurance software.   

Through the years, and jobs, I know there were updates.  I know they always push you to purchase the latest release.  (Back then, that meant going to a store and standing in a line!) Being as I had jumped around a few jobs, each location had their own setup, their own purpose, found ways to utilize different features.  But that was good for me because I learned the most basic elements of blog – erruhm – I mean letter writing in Word, but also how to create pretty graphs and charts in Excel.  Disagree all you want, but the first MSPaint was the best MSPaint!

Windows XP.  Bet you smiled.  Everyone loved XP.  The funny thing is, nothing really stands out – and that’s probably why it was favored.  I had it on my home computer and I used it well beyond 2014 when they stopped supporting it. I sunk in my heels and I resisted the upgrade to Vista at work for as long as I could.  My computer died during my revolt and I was left with no option. 

Everything has sucked since XP but Windows 10 has been the worst by far.  Our receptionist-slash-IT person warned me it was coming so, as with everything, I googled it.  The clips and screen shots made it look like it was going to be a complete overhaul but I rolled with it. I’ve been mostly teaching myself and now with google and reddit and that guy on twitter who always just appears in my newsfeed with tips on using my electronics, piece of cake! 

Narrator:  But she was wrong, it was not a piece of cake.

In the last 7 days Windows 10 has locked up my computer for a minimum of 4 hours every day!  

I don’t know why, though I can hazard a few guesses: more money, cooperate greed, company run by egotistical a’holes, but Windows no longer allows you to turn off automatic updates.  That means, you are working on a 1000 cell spreadsheet in excel and when you look up at the screen you see that the letters and numbers are not appearing on screen at the same rate you are typing.  You aren’t sure if you made a mistake so you have to sit and wait for the processor to catch up.  (it does really stroke your ego that you can type faster than the computer can think but trust me, it’s not you – it’s them) Or you are waiting for an important email and you see a message coming in, at the speed of dial up!  That’s because windows is doing things ‘behind your back.’ It is stealing those valuable resources for nefarious intent.  Ok, possible exaggeration – probably just some stupid security update, but the fact that your performance has now been hindered IS nefarious! 

Look I’m not smart enough to break it down to what piece of the computer has been compromised by the unwelcomed intrusion, all I know is that the computer will not get back to optimal speed until you reboot.  So, whatever you were working on – dump it, take a walk and a smoke, because you have to reboot. And that could take a while.  And every subsequent update takes longer than that.

My laptop is now in this horrific loop of updates.  It takes approximately two hours to finish the “download” part and then – the second that completes – it launches into an un-update because it couldn’t be completed, which is another 2 hours.  Every day.  I’m going through this EVERY DAY! 

It should be illegal. I hope there is a class action suit against Microsoft because – ok, my work isn’t that important – but I imagine there are people who can’t be locked out of their computers for hours on end!

I’ve both spoken to techs and spent a significant amount of time on google trying to find a work around – and I’m sure one of the many methods I’ve got queued will eventually work, but I am wasting so much time trying to find the right solution.

I don’t know what their goal was, I don’t know how they thought this would sell me on future Microsoft purchases because now?  My next computer is gonna be a Mac!