I have two dogs.  They are so completely different from one another; it feels like three.

Brick doesn’t like kids and I can’t blame him. Think about it from a dog’s perspective; they smell funny, if they’ve a full diaper they smell gross, they’re often sticky, they’re wobbly, they’re prone to loud unexplained outbursts. Kinda like a hairless raccoon in shoes.

Our neighborhood park has the play structure on the edge of the park close to the street. I get it, close to parking, more convenient for the guy who has to empty the garbage cans – logistically it works. Unfortunately, for a dog who hates kids, it’s a nightmare.

Maybe loves the park! There are so many amazing smells! Opossum, squirrels, skunks, the kids who sneak out to drink beer… it’s like binging the whole Twilight series in a quarter mile lap! If it’s just her and me, she’ll even pause at the slide to let some snotty monster bang its slobbery hand on the top of her head. It’s the troll toll to cross the bridge, and totally worth it!

Since I’ve been walking them together, I try to be respectful of Brick’s limits while allowing Maybe her pleasure but it has taken us two years of baby steps to finally pass the play structure! Our first success was yesterday and Maybe and I were both excited for today to be our second win.

I’ve been doing this route for a while and have found 10:30-11am to be the sweet spot. There are no dogs, leashed or otherwise. The first shift of grandparents has already shuffled their wards home with the second shift slowly approaching. (Very slowly, I pass them on our way out and our way home but I respect the energy they expel walking their littlings.) Today, however, there was a new troll on scene. 

We made our way up the entrance sidewalk pausing at the fork – the right side takes you directly to the jungle gym, the left to the paved quarter mile walking track.  We were interested in making a deposit in the trash can dead center.  I saw the shoed raccoon at the slide 10 yards beyond the can and locked in on it like an owl on a rat. It must have felt my gaze because it turned but saw the dogs. It’s face lit up like it’d just seen an all you can eat chocolate buffet. Crap. I survey the benches, the swings, where is its feeder person?! It starts to stagger directly towards us like me trying to get to the bathroom at halftime and I spot the back of a woman. She’s got earbuds in and is on – what I can only assume is a life or death – phone call.

Brick’s tail whips straight down and hugs his belly. Maybe, oblivious to the approaching beastie, has all 4 legs spread in an “ain’t movin’ ‘til I’m done analyzing this amazing odor” stance.  

It’s wobbling quickly! It’s closing the gap!

I say “hey!”

No reaction. 

I say again a little louder “Hey!”

Wow, she’s a good mom!

The third time I put a little more lung into it and shout “HEY!”

The woman turns, glances at me then back to her phone. Now I’m pissed and there’s no chance I can muster “polite” but did manage to hold back the swears “Get your kid!” The guardian looks a little confused and a lot annoyed but walks to the shoed raccoon and blocked it from our sight.

We did manage to make it a little way down the walking path but the near miss rattled Brick so we didn’t even make it as far as yesterday before having to turn for home.

I always wonder which of these moments is going to be recorded as my “protagonist turns villain” backstory.