On today’s episode of why my neighborhood sucks: I was walking Brick and saw a guy walking on the opposite side of the street in our direction. Brick got bristly, which is unusual on sight of a human, so we stopped to wait for him to pass.

Completely oblivious to us standing on the sidewalk waiting for him to move along, the man spotted something in the gutter and stopped to kick it. And kick it and kick it and kick it. Frustrated with his lack of soccer skills and inability to volley the object out of the gutter he bent over and picked it up then promptly threw it in the neighbor’s bushes.

Completely flabbergasted I yelled across the street, “Don’t throw trash in her ivy!” because the woman who lives there is quite pleasant and one of the few who still does her own gardening.  He turns to me, now suddenly aware of the angry Karen and her kill machine that has been standing 50 feet away, watching him the entire time, probably thinking “damn, she knows I suck at soccer!” but only manages “what?”

I said again, louder and angrier, while giving Brick’s leash more slack “What is wrong with you that you would pick up trash to just throw it in her bushes!” He clearly gave my question careful consideration before shrugging and saying “Everybody does it.”

Sadly, his mom must’ve never asked the mother of all mom questions; “If everyone else jumped off a bridge would you jump off a bridge, too?”

He shrugged again and walked on. Certain that I’ve seen him before I hurried home through the back gate, raced through the house and popped out the garage door just as he was approaching his house. I stood staring at the guy who lives directly across the street, I considered a “fingers to eyes” gesture to let him know I’m watching, but I’m guessing he’ll only care if everyone else does.

The punchline?  The best part about the whole experience?  This idiot installed a white picket fence to enclose all of his front yard.  He then added “do not litter” signs to both the fence and the three imprisoned fruit trees. Apparently, it’s not ok if everyone else does it to him.